Friday, April 21, 2017

It Never Gets Easier...

     In this life of childhood cancer, it is very simple to make plans in our minds.  Plans to do the dishes or the laundry.  Plans to visit with friends.  Plans to get our kids in after school activities.  Plans to sit down an write an update.

     But following through on those plans....not so easy.  Forgetting to even attempt to follow through on those plans....super easy.  Feeling guilty for not being able to do them....even easier.

     A cancer parent's brain is filled with appointments, both planned and unplanned; (Hazel has had daily appointments for radiation for 12 weekdays straight, on top of follow-ups with doctors, unplanned blood draws and transfusions and unexpected ER visits); lab result numbers (a printed out page full of them); the most recent temperatures taken on a given day; schedules of the handfuls of daily medications that must be administered; thoughts on when the last time your child washed their hands or used hand sanitizer, or if you have enough of the numbing cream left in your medical supplies for the next time your child has to endure a port access, or if your child lost and gained any weight this week and ate enough healthy food to keep them strong; and fears about whether all of the hell you are going through is even going to be enough.

     Place all of this in the middle of a family of seven, each person with their own needs, desires, worries, and even health issues, and put it on the shoulders of parents just struggling to keep the tears from falling, their marriage together and their sanity intact, and it is no wonder that plans get changed, cancelled or forgotten.

     It has taken every single part of me just to get by these past weeks since my last update, that I can only focus on the victories that I got Hazel to her treatment, and my family fed and dressed for the day.  And two days ago, it marked 4 years since Hazel's initial diagnosis, and it made me realize how long we have been at this.

     We are tired.  We are weary.  Our faith is shaken.  Our brains are depleted.  And cancer just doesn't let up.  IT JUST NEVER GETS EASIER.

     But despite how weary we are, despite how sad we are, despite how scared we are, our little Hazelnut breaks through all of that with such strength, joy, courage and determination.  Since I last updated you, she took on two more rounds of chemo (at the reduced strength) and took it on remarkably well.  The side effects were far less overwhelming (she only vomited a few times and only spiked a fever once, sending us to hospital for a short two-day stay), so most of these last weeks she spent feeling well and in very high spirits.  She then had twelve doses of radiation, administered by some of her favorite nurses in the entire hospital.  The team makes this experience as enjoyable as possible (as much as you can for a child who has to lay perfectly still in a machine all alone), by playing music or movies, having "party lights" lighting up the whole room, a sticker chart to fill out, a treasure chest to pick out a prize each day, and just by having the most loving and joyful hearts.  Hazel actually would jump in excitement each day she knew she had radiation!  But although the treatment went really well, by the end of it, she was ready to be done.  It made her very tired, and by the end of each day, pretty nauseous.  The wear and tear of all of this treatment was showing on her little face.  I think, that despite being strong, and brave, and joyful, she is just as ready as we are for this all to be over.  

     Since August, it has been difficult to hold onto hope, knowing that we did not have any concrete treatment plans and had no end in sight.  And when you feel hopeless, you feel helpless.  Going through treatment like that is a very difficult way to live.  So when her last scans came back to positive, it felt like a breath of fresh air that we could finally take deep into our lungs.  However, as cancer treatment goes on, that breath escapes our lungs as quickly as it goes in, so it isn't always very easy to keep holding onto that hope.

     But we met with her doctor a few days ago, and will meet with her again next Monday, and she is still feeling very hopeful.  She believes that this treatment has been working, and will continue to work.  Her plan is to have Hazel get one more dose of this reduced strength chemo next week, and then do her scans sometime after that.  Her hope is that we will see clear scans and then we can start to move Hazel onto some form of maintenance treatment, which will be far less toxic on her little body.  She even hopes to have Hazel well enough to be back in school in the fall!  But even though he hope gives us hope, we all know that Neuroblastoma is a sneaky little devil, and finds ways to mutate and become resistant to treatment.  So these scans are still just as scary as any other.

     Please keep praying for our family.  We have been through seasons where God's presence was so evident in the journey we were walking, but right now it has become more and more difficult for us to remember His promises and to see His hand.  We want to be honest with that.  We don't want to hide.  We want it so that people going through the same thing will also not feel alone, or isolated or guilty.  We know we are not perfect, and we don't want to pretend to be.  But we will continue to ask for your prayers, in faith, so that we may be lifted up and begin to see the light and the hope once again.  Pray for our faith, pray for our children, pray for our marriage, and pray for our little Hazelnut.






22 comments:

  1. I just received my good report, how I wish I could give it to y'all. I will continue to be your faithful prayer walker.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. QUICK CURE OF HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS 1 & 2 WITH { oshogumspelltemple@live.com }

      I will advice you to contact Dr Oshogum(oshogumspelltemple@live.com ) who solve all problems and give cure very fast without stress and delay. i was getting drawn in herpes virus, and medical prescription (Aciclovir‎, ‎valaciclovir‎, ‎Valtrex‎... etc) was not helping me. Till a lab doctor (my friend) direct me to contact Dr oshogum for quick cure because he also read from people whom Dr oshogum have cure of HSV 1 & 2; Virus, HIV/AID, HLS virus, Hepatitis B, STAGE 3 cancer and other STD's. I contact him as direct with his email, i explain my problem to him. He replied with what he want me to do as soon as possible because he don't want delay. After i did what he ask, he send me a Remedy which i used as he prescribed. He is a miracle worker.. It is never too late with Dr oshogum contact him today with { oshogumspelltemple@live.com }. I went for test after two week and my result came out negative. Today again i did text and my result is always negative. Note he also have cures to diseases like

      PENIS ENLARGEMENT
      DIABETES 1/2
      WEAK ERECTION
      HERPES
      HIV/AIDS
      PILE
      STROKE
      PREMATURE EJACULATION
      ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION
      HPV
      ALS
      CANCER/RECTUM OR PROSTRATE
      HEART FAILURE
      ANAL FISSURE

      Delete
  2. Looking forward to a victorious next chapter for Hazel and the whole family. Peace, love, health, happiness, unity to you and yours. xoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am a 40-year-old. My Hepatitis B (HBV) disease appeared at the age of 34, with no hope of a cure from the hospital i looked further for an alternative treatments, a friend of mine told me about Health Herbal Clinic in Nigeria who sell herbal treatments for diseases including Hepatitis B disease, I contacted the herbal clinic via their website and purchased the HBV herbal remedy. I received the herbal remedy through DHL couriers within 8 days and i immediately commenced usage as prescribed, i used the herbal remedy for about a month and 1 week, my condition has greatly improved, all my symptoms including Abdominal pain, Nausea and vomiting, Loss of appetite, I am HBV free! contact Health Herbal Clinic via their email draribaspelltemple@gmail.com or visit https://m.facebook.com/greatdrariba.. PLS HBV is not a death sentence, there is a cure!

      Delete
    2. Name: Marianda Watson
      Location: Brooklyn New York
      D.O.B: 12/12/1984
      Title: HOW DR AYENI CURED MY SON’S CANCER OF THE BRAIN WITH HIS HERBAL MEDICINE

      My son Jason was going to die after he was diagnosed with cancer of the brain, Dr said he has just two weeks to live, Jason is my only son and my only best friend, and I couldn't afford to lose him. I started searching for help on-line to make sure my son don’t die, then I found Dr Ayeni, I told him about my problem and he gave me some words of encouragement and he sent me herbal medicine and he instructed me on how to go about it, Dr Ayeni also said my son will not die that he will be cancer free after using the medicine , I did exactly what he asked me to , now my son that was suppose to live for just two weeks has lived two weeks more and he is very okay , he is fine , just like any other children my son is fine.
      Lesson: Don’t give up in life; what ever you are passing through today can be your testimony tomorrow:
      Email;ayeniharbelcure@gmail.com or visit his web site
      http://ayeniharbelcure.wix.com/cure

      thank you Dr Ayeni...

      Delete
  3. Hazel as well as your family are in my daily prayers.


    ReplyDelete
  4. Love your little family

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm glad that Hazel's chemo and radiation are going well! Sending peace and love to Hazel, you and the rest of the family!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hazel you are a blessing. Love you so much! I hope to meet your family one day😙

    ReplyDelete
  7. Continued prayers gor your family. May God's grace and presence lighten your load. Trust in him. We are fighting too. A different cancer amd a disease. My husband so tired of thr fight but the little ones push him. God bless you! 🙏🏻🙏🏻

    ReplyDelete
  8. I pray that God will give you the strength and grace to persevere and keep on keeping on. To indeed finish the race set before you all. I am continually amazed how you have stayed faithful through so much and for so long. I love your honesty and that you allow us to share in your struggles as well as your celebrations. Have we really been praying for precious hazelnut for 4 years! You now seem like 'family' who we love dearly and pray in earnest for our Lords will to be done and his joy and peace to envelop you all. John and Edwina Kuala Lumlur ����

    ReplyDelete
  9. Praying for continued healing, strength and joy for your family, and that you would constantly be aware of Jesus holding you tight in His arms of love❤��❤��

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi Lauren,

    My name is Anuj Agarwal. I'm Founder of Feedspot.

    I would like to personally congratulate you as your blog Our Little Hazelnut has been selected by our panelist as one of the Top 75 Childhood Cancer Blogs on the web.

    http://blog.feedspot.com/childhood_cancer_blogs/

    I personally give you a high-five and want to thank you for your contribution to this world. This is the most comprehensive list of Top 75 Childhood Cancer Blogs on the internet and I’m honored to have you as part of this!

    Also, you have the honor of displaying the badge on your blog.

    best,
    Anuj

    ReplyDelete
  11. As a sign of gratitude for how my wife was saved from CANCER, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
    My wife suffered cancer in the year 2013 and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because she was my all and the symptoms were terrible, she always complain of abnormal vaginal bleeding, and she always have pain during sexual intercourse. . we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure her. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and he left the contact of the doctor who had the cure to cancer . I never imagined cancer. has a natural cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my wife will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my wife used it and in one months time he was fully okay even up till this moment he is so full of life. cancer. has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on drwilliams098765@gmail.com on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my testimony.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. his herbal medicine is truly effective, it was able to cure my daughter from breast cancer that she have been experiencing for some year now.

      thanks to you ,for shearing such a useful information.

      Delete
  12. Name: Marianda Watson
    Location: Brooklyn New York
    D.O.B: 12/12/1984
    Title: HOW DR AYENI CURED MY SON’S CANCER OF THE BRAIN WITH HIS HERBAL MEDICINE

    My son Jason was going to die after he was diagnosed with cancer of the brain, Dr said he has just two weeks to live, Jason is my only son and my only best friend, and I couldn't afford to lose him. I started searching for help on-line to make sure my son don’t die, then I found Dr Ayeni, I told him about my problem and he gave me some words of encouragement and he sent me herbal medicine and he instructed me on how to go about it, Dr Ayeni also said my son will not die that he will be cancer free after using the medicine , I did exactly what he asked me to , now my son that was suppose to live for just two weeks has lived two weeks more and he is very okay , he is fine , just like any other children my son is fine.
    Lesson: Don’t give up in life; what ever you are passing through today can be your testimony tomorrow:
    Email;ayeniharbelcure@gmail.com or visit his web site
    http://ayeniharbelcure.wix.com/cure

    thank you Dr Ayeni...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi Everyone! My name is CHERRYSHANE. I was diagnosed with HERPES 2 in April of 2012 when I was 24 years old who just completed my MA in sociology at the University of Northern Colorado where I explored the role of stigma in the process of disclosing a genital herpes diagnosis.I have wanted to get this virus cured, I am happy to share that with you! few weeks ago i came on search on the INTERNET if i could get any information concerning the prevention of this disease, on my search i saw a testimony of someone who has been healed from (Hepatitis B and Cancer) by this Man Dr ERO and she also gave the email address (eromosalespelltemple@gmail.com) and advise we should contact him for any sickness that he would be of help so i told my husband about it the he ask me to write him because this pain has been constant especially in my knees. so i wrote to Dr ERO telling him about my (HERPES Virus) he told me not to worry that it was going to be cured!! then i took the medicine he sent me, which few weeks later i started experiencing changes all over me as the Dr assured me that i have cured hence i have taken the medicine and then after some time i went to my doctor to confirmed if i have be finally healed behold it was TRUE. I can understand that lots of people are been diagnosed with this same virus so am excited to be able to share some of my experiences and thoughts about this man that you can as well contact him for help living with genital herpes is not a good thing..HERE ARE HIS CONTACT: EMAIL : (eromosalespelltemple@gmail.com) OR YOU CAN AS WELL VISIT HIS his website http://eromosalspiritualtemple.webs.com BETTER STILL CALL OR whats-app HIM via+2348161850195..GOD BLESS

    ReplyDelete
  14. Happiness is all i see now I never thought that I will be cured from HERPES
    virus again. I have been suffering from a deadly disease (HERPES) for the
    past 3 years now, I had spent a lot of money going from one places to
    another, from churches to churches, hospitals have been my home every day
    residence. Constant checks up have been my hobby not until this faithful
    day, I was searching through the internet, I saw a testimony on how Dr.Ogie
    helped someone in curing his HERPES disease, quickly I copied his email
    which is ojieherbalcuretempleofsolution@gmail.com just to give him a test I spoke to him, he asked me to do some certain things which I did, he told me that he is going to provide the herbal cure to me, which he did, then he asked me to go for medical checkup after some days after using the herbal cure, behold I was free from the deadly disease, he only asked me to post the testimony through the whole world, faithfully am doing
    it now, please brothers and sisters, he is great, I owe him in return. if you are having a similar problem just email him on (ojieherbalcuretempleofsolution@gmail.com) or you can whatsApp his mobile number on +2348032460627

    ReplyDelete
  15. ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS
    I was diagnosed of hepatitis B in 2011, I have tried all possible means to get cure but all my effort proved abortive, until a friend of mine introduced me to a herbal doctor , who prepare herbal medicine to cure different kind of diseases including hepatitis b virus (HBV), when i contacted this herbal doctor via his email, he sent me hepatitis b herbal medicine via courier service, when i received the herbal medicine he gave me step by step instructions on how to apply it, when i applied it as instructed i was totally cured from this virus within 8 days of usage. any body with similar problem can Contact this great herbal doctor via his email drwilliams098675@gmail.com for advice and for his product .and thanks to you admin for such an informative blog.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I have been suffering from (HERPES) disease for the last four years and had constant pain, especially in my knees. During the first year,I had faith in God that i would be healed someday.This disease started circulate all over my body and i have been taking treatment from my doctor, few weeks ago i came on search on the internet if i could get any information concerning the prevention of this disease, on my search i saw a testimony of someone who has been healed from (Hepatitis B and Cancer) by this Man Priest Aluta and she also gave the email address of this man and advise we should contact him for any sickness that he would be of help, so i wrote to voodoosputuralspell@gmail.com telling him about my (HERPES Virus) he told me not to worry that i was going to be cured!! hmm i never believed it,, well after all the procedures and remedy given to me by this man few weeks later i started experiencing changes all over me as the Priest Aluta assured me that i have cured,after some time i went to my Dr to confirmed if i have be finally healed behold it was TRUE, So friends my advise is if you have such sickness or any other at all you can visit him on his website http://voodoospell.webs.com/

    ReplyDelete
  17. Are you paying $189 a week for Valtrex or $67 for Acyclovir to suppress your outbreaks? Have you considered your yearly prescription costs for these drugs, $2000+ a year! Anyone who has herpes can attest to the painful and embarrassing symptoms. Unfortunately, many find that doctor recommended products are frequently not effective at taking care of the problem.DR OHIKHOBO herbal remedy will get to the root of the cause and cure you completely rather than suppress outbreaks with medication. and leave you happier, healthier, and outbreak FREE!.let my tell you all how i was cured completely from herpes.at first i never believed i could be cure considering all type of of medication i have been using but it all came like dream come true for me that i was able to be cured by DR OHIKHOBO herbal remedy.as i speak now I have no more outbreaks,.It could change your life.contact DR OHIKHOBO at drohikhoboherbalcenter@gmail.com or you can reach him through his whatssap at +2348103601042. Here is the DR website https//:drohikhoboherbalcenter.webs.com

    ReplyDelete